Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to date online and off…safely. But you really should be careful because while most people online are sane and safe there are a few around we all want to avoid. You could meet them in school or in a coffee shop, but whatever you do, here are some pointers to help you avoid an unpleasant – or scary – experience. Here are my ten clues that you don’t want to know this person:
1. Intro
2. Too good to be true
The profile is seems too good to be true and when you check it out, it doesn’t add up. He says he went to Harvard, but Harvard has never heard of him. She says she used to be in a ballet company but you find early pictures of her at the age she says she was dancing—and she is much heavier than a professional company would allow a dancer to be. Pay attention to inconsistencies in the record—honest people rarely have them.
3. They want to email on and on.
When you suggest getting together, there is always some excuse. They insist that they will meet you soon, but it never happens. They can never call during certain times and they can’t be reached. This person is either married or with someone, or is so different in reality from their picture and bio that it is impossible for them to ever make contact. If this prolonged inability to get together happens, there is something wrong.
4. Listen To Their Voice
There is something hostile in their voice. Maybe it’s just bitterness over a past difficult relationship, but it seems way more intense than other people you’ve talked to. They rail against their ex -husband, wife, or lover. Hostility, for any reason, is a bit scary in general, and is not worth the risk. In fact any out of the ordinary speech pattern should make you hesitate: do they repeat themselves (as if drunk or on drugs)? Do they drill one topic obsessively? Is there something odd about the way they interpret you or other people? They could just be eccentric, but I would take the cautious route and stay away.
5. They want your home number
They want your home number, your home address. Never, ever give those data unless you’ve met a few times, done your due diligence to make sure they are who they say they are (see above), and you have been seeing each other for awhile. Remember, you won’t know right away if someone gets excessively attached to you and will show up way after you have ceased to be interested in them. Protect your flank: don’t give out a home phone or home address.
6. They drink excessively
They drink excessively right from the first meeting. Well balanced people don’t do this. People may change personality when they drink too much and act crudely, rudely, or inappropriately in other ways. It’s a good sign to get out while the getting is good.
7. They ask you for money.
Usually if this is a scam artist, they will wait, have you trust them and then ask you for something to tide them over when a big business deal gets done, or because they are all tied up because of their divorce, but will give you the money back, with high interest as soon as the house sale is over. No matter how convincing they are, don’t do it. No self respecting person, no honest person would have to rely on a person they just met for money. They would have family, friends, or credit with an institution that would take care of them. If no one who has known them for a long time wants to help, that should tell you all you need to know.
8. They want to meet you at night
They want to meet you at night for their first meeting—and they want to walk you to your car afterwards. First, you should only be seeing someone in the day time in the beginning—and never, ever let that person walk you to your car (male or female) because you are isolated then and vulnerable to being pushed in the car and taken some place against your will.
9. They start talking about sex right away.
You’ve just met and she or he is all over you. If they are attractive to you, seductive words might seem very flattering—but normal people don’t generally come on strong, and explicitly, on hello. Men might find this exciting, but see point number 9.
99. They are very jealous
They are very jealous, almost immediately. Where are you going Friday night? Who do you see besides me? They invade your privacy with questions—and even worse, they start showing up “accidentally” where you happen to be on a regular basis. This is dangerous—you may already have a stalker on your hands and, male or female, that’s no fun and could be dangerous. Nip it in the bud: tell them you have a serious person in your life…and call the police if this person won’t take no for an answer.
999. You get a gut feeling
999. You get a gut feeling that something is just not right. I don’t know, call it a sixth sense. What I think it is though, is that your mind, that amazing computer that we don’t quite understand, has picked up something below your conscious radar—but your unconscious radar is telling you to get out of Dodge. Listen to your inner survivor…maybe it’s the way their eyes don’t meet yours, or maybe it’s some of the words or phrases you hear that bother you. Whatever it is, you are kind of creeped out. I say listen to your instincts—and forget this particular person. Your instincts might be wrong, but why chance it?